Collaboration vs. Appropriation

 A few months ago, I went to my boss to discuss concerns with how I saw myself being valued at the office. 

Management would ignore me and pass me over for older, male, less qualified people who would either steal my work or screw things up so royally that I would have to be brought in to fix it.  And then they would put Baby back in the corner again, and the cycle would repeat itself.  I told my boss it was professionally insulting.  He said he understood, then told me to expect to do “99% of the work” on the current project I was working on.  A project with three other people.  A project I had already been doing 99% of the work because of the laziness, incompetence, and disinterest of my team members.  I did not want to, but deep down I knew that if I didn’t, my team members would not hesitate to throw me under the bus. 

As this project is coming to a close, and in case you’re wondering, yes, I did do 99% of the work, I have been giving a lot of thought to the concepts of teamwork and collaboration.  As I wrote the final report and drafted the slides, I asked my boss how much authority I had to disposition “team” comments as I saw fit.  He politely let me know that we worked in a collaborative environment and that would not change.  Basically, unless the whole team agreed, it wouldn’t move forward.  “How does that work?” I thought.  I do 99% of the work: the research, the development, the evaluation, the report, and at best I have 25% of the say in how it is presented and what the conclusions are.  The critiques of past performance evaluations echoed in my head “You’re not a team player” “You are not collaborative.”  I started to get angry.  As I write this blog post I am still angry.  Because it never ends.  The cycle of rewarding mediocrity and punishing excellence.  I know some of you may be reading this and thinking, “wow she thinks a lot of herself!” and you know what you are right, I do.  And you should too.  You work hard, you know your shit, fucking own it.

Now, where was I?  Oh yes…Yeah, they give you an “atta girl” when you nail the presentation, but God forbid you point out that you did all the work.  That you won’t tolerate someone else who is unqualified editing your work.  That you think it is unprofessional for them to be taking your work and passing it off as their own.  Then you are uncollaborative.  Not a team player.  They expect us as women to just “support the team” and not ask for or demand credit. 

So, I ask myself, when does collaboration become appropriation?  Do you allow it?  Do you make yourself small to just get by and succeed off the scraps they give you?  Or do you fight?  Does anyone even see what it is you are fighting against?  I passionately believe that as female engineers and scientists we should be especially vigilant in protecting the ownership of our work and our effort.  That men and women in management will be so willing, whether, through ignorance, bias, or just plain laziness to steal it or allow it to be stolen is unacceptable.  I see it not just with myself, but all the female engineers in my office.  I see and hear them get so frustrated by this culture that wants to shrink them and it makes me even madder when I see them buckle under the pressure, afraid to fight back.